its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
