when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
