Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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