operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
