i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
