just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You took a bar mat shot.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
