You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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