dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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