She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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