She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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