I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
