Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
