What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
