It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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