you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
