I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
