we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
