your parents love me but you hate me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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