oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
high people should be assigned attendants
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
