I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
