Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
