Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
