I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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