God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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