Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
