My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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