I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
