this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
