My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
