How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
