youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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