and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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