Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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