This is not my ceiling
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
