omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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