dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
