Pants 0. Shit 1.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
