This is not my ceiling
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
