New low: just hacked my moms facebook
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
