Porn is love you can see.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
