I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
