We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
