I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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