i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
