I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
FUCK WHALES
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