If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't put those talents on a resume
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
