I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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