That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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