Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
