It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
