I CAN MOONWALK!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
