His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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