Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
