Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're a waste of cheezeits
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
