bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
