dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i've created a new STD.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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