Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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