She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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