Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
