why didn't you poke me back
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Enjoy the penises
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
