she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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