I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
