this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
