How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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