My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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