Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
