i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
