Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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