Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
