Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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