i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
