Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
