Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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